Imagine displaying the skin of your knees in a polythene sheath, not unlike a packet of honey-baked ham. Or really pale vacuum-packed bacon. They’re equally as glamorous.
Well, that’s kind of the look you’d get if you squeezed your lady sausages into Topshop’s polarising new mom jeans that feature a transparent plastic window over the knee.
Cue the division of fashionistas the internet over, who either think the ‘MOTO Clear Panel Mom Jeans’ are the coolest thing they’ve ever seen, or an aesthetic abomination that should be banished to the bargain bin. Either way, they’ll set you back £82.52 ($95).
“Off-duty styling never looked so good,” a copywriter lied as they wrote this description of the new product for Nordstrom’s website, where they are being sold.
“Crafted from pure cotton, our MOTO mom jeans come in authentic mid blue rigid-look denim. Cut with a high-waist and a tapered leg, they are finished with multiple pockets, classic trims, and cool clear-knee panel detail. Wear them folded at the cuffs to keep them looking cool.”
Emphasis on the word “cool”, it seems.
Here’s what people are saying:
sorry, what now? https://t.co/i7FAY7MeGi
— Matthew Rorie (@frailgesture) March 13, 2017
I have a lot of questions pic.twitter.com/4KB15DfqFn
— Sara Lang (@SaraLang) March 13, 2017
PSA: I do not endorse Clear Knee Mom and her attire choices. This Mom has no style. She has no grace. pic.twitter.com/jVQLSTF1Zj
— Mom (@truongasm) March 13, 2017
I 👏🏻 SUPPORT 👏🏻 CLEAR 👏🏻 KNEE 👏🏻 MOM 👏🏻 JEANS 🎷
— Jamirospicer.;ttu,-4 (@issshnang) March 13, 2017
Mad libs, but for fashion. https://t.co/DpMPYZge39
— Ryan Willumson (@ryanwillumson) March 12, 2017
he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.https://t.co/OICWceRKCO
— Jamie McKelvie (@McKelvie) March 13, 2017
DOROTHY PARKER: What fresh hell is this?
TOPSHOP: Thank you for asking! These are our “Clear Knee Mom Jeans.” pic.twitter.com/QRhmLjKirv
— Una LaMarche (@sassycurmudgeon) March 13, 2017
Us? If we didn’t have such rounded kneecaps, we might have gone for it. But imagine how steamed-up and sweaty they’d get in the summer? Think we’ll give these bad boys a miss for now.