No. No. No. And also no.
From teens, we women are primed for the onset of wrinkles with fear-based advertising that largely implies we’ll lose value as human beings when our looks become less youthful. Then we’ll feel like our lives are over unless we buy X expensive serum or Y snail-infused whale-enhanced collagen booster. We feel bad, they make money. And so the cycle continues.
That’s why we’re almost grateful for this latest piece of “advice” from the Daily Mail, as it’s so ridiculous it parodies itself.
“There are plenty of things that can age our skin from smoking to sunbeds and now it turns out that sleeping could also cause crows feet,” the piece featuring “skin repair expert” Lorena Öberg begins.
“According to skincare experts [of which there is one], drifting off in one particular position can make you more prone to develop fine lines and wrinkles – and it is the most popular way to snooze.”
It’s on your side, for most wondering. Apparently, the gravity sucking your head into the pillow encourages skin to fold.
But what’s the alternative? We don’t sleep? We sleep within the confines of a box just wide enough to contain us so we don’t accidentally flip over in the night? Do we stop smiling now as well? How about bending our arms? That’s a fold too, right?
Dear the Mail and all like it, leave us the hell alone. Because let us tell you, we’d rather have wrinkles than spend the next 25 years walking around like sleep-deprived zombies with our arms held out in front of us. Frankly, we’ve got better things to do. Like paving the way for us to wake up at 50 in a gender-equal society that values our seniority.