Oh Love Island. Rarely a day goes by that you don’t shock us to our increasingly ‘melt’-like cores, but last night’s episode was SOMETHING ELSE.
We’d known all week that the “Flack Attack” (Caroline Flack’s new nickname, courtesy of Mon), was heading to the villa as a metaphorical hurricane of doom, but what happened was, well, we can’t quite believe it.
Read no further if you want to avoid any juicy spoilers
First, the four couples “safe” to live, love, bicker and probably shag another day were announced. Kem and Amber, Sam and Montana, Gabby and Marcel (our faves here at She) and Jonny and Camilla all breathed sighs of relief. Especially Jonny, whose lovely lady really saved him some face (meaning no, we don’t think viewers had been voting for someone who doesn’t believe in feminism, they were voting for our Cam).
Then, Caroline dropped a bombshell so big the shockwaves shook our sofa. The safe couple were asked to split into boys and girls teams to choose one girl and one boy to send home, respectively, from the remaining couples.
The tan drained from Jess and Dom, Mike and Olivia and Chris and Chloe’s faces as they realised “Oh shit, the public don’t actually like us as much as we thought they did”.
The scope for soap opera-worthy drama was huge. HUGE. Olivia had just ditched Mike to finally shack up with Chris so, naturally, seemingly the whole of Twitter wanted Chris to go to teach her a lesson, while others wanted house gossip Chloe to jet on home.
The Muggy Mike or Magic Mike debate was still raging, no-one could decide whether they still hated Chris and his gigantic ego or actually fancied him a bit now, and Jess and Dom were the golden couple who, let’s be honest, had bought one-way tickets to Dullsville.
Over to their pals to decide their fate. First up, the girls decided to stick with the boys they had “loyalties” to and kicked newbie wonderboy (if someone who never smiles is your thing) Mike out. Nobody cared that much, bar Chloe, who he’d started “cracking onto” just minutes after the blonde he actually fancied told him laters.
Then. THEN it all kicked off. The boys revealed that they had chosen the girl they felt closest to and Jonny said: Jess.
Cue thousands of jaws hitting the floor, and a devastated Dom hitting the floor, too.
There were tears, Marcel’s face was a picture, and Jess telling Dom it was “tactical” confirmed that yes, she’d assumed they would win and bag that £50,000. Pretty muggy of the boys though, amirite?
Jess and Mike gathered their things, wheeled their suitcases out (or rather, Chris wheeled Mike’s out – classic) and disappeared into the Majorcan night.
One big question
If Dom is really so distraught, why didn’t he pack up and leave with her, there and then? If he isn’t, as he claims, interested in finding another girl in the villa, then what is the point of him being there?
Dom obvs can't care that much for Jess if he's staying.. is it Love Island or Stay For Loads of night club appearances island
— JORDAN (@JordanWeekender) June 21, 2017
I don't get Dom. If you really 'liked' Jess you'd leave the villa with her. It's #LoveIsland. What are you gonna do for another two months?
— ♡ Jess. // (@StitchMeUpBitch) June 22, 2017
so fed up with dom. if it's so horrible to be there without jess just leave with her? 100% sure he'll move on in 2 days #LoveIsland
— alina | 3 (@harrysorgasm) June 22, 2017
Hmm, okay, so there is one pretty decent point:
There are five weeks still to go, with a Jess lookalike named Tyla set to join the gang tonight, so it remains to be seen whether Dom is as serious about her as he made out to be.
He didn’t do a Rykard, who ran out after Rachel when she was booted off last year and decided to accompany her back to Blighty. That loved-up couple recently celebrated their first anniversary, but we aren’t sure Jessom (guys, they didn’t even have a nickname) are heading in the same starry-eyed direction.
Dom Disappointed me mate. Disappointed. #LoveIsland
— Rykard (@ItsRykard) June 21, 2017
“I’m yours”, Jess promised, but she made little effort to hide the fact she thought Mike was a bit of alright during their sangria date the other night. She also told Dom to enjoy the summer ahead and let whatever happens, happen, so he has her “permission”, so to speak, to find someone else.
But perhaps we’re being totally unfair and do, in fact, know nothing. Maybe Dom will leave tonight and they’ll go on to marry and have babies. He does seem totally devo’d, after all.
Never mind Love Island, we can’t wait for all the post-series goss. The never-ending joys of this show…