OK, friends. Romans. Countrymen/women. It’s crunch time. The polls are about to open to one of the most crucial General Elections we’re ever likely to vote in. Not only do we get to decide who will be in government for the next five years, but also who will take us through Brexit, navigate us through the turbulent times of domestic terrorism, and protect our public services.
Chances are, you already know who you are going to vote for and who you want to win the election. That isn’t going to make the vote count on Thursday night – through to Friday morning – any easier to sit through. If, like us, you’re already losing sleep over “those f**kers getting into power” for another five year then we have three key steps to get you out of an election-induced hole in a hurry.
Follow them, consider emigrating if the vote doesn’t go your way, and make sure you have at least five bottles of wine at your disposal during election night, just to calm the nerves.
What we really mean is that drinking is bad and you should only do it in moderation.
Unless there’s a General Election on.
And then you should drink a finger’s-width every time David Dimbleby says “hung Parliament”. Moderately.
Take a good five minutes to look at these stress-relieving images of cute puppies:
Book a last-minute holiday to any of these cheap destinations for Friday evening.
Leave the country and have a good, long, hard think about never coming back. Preferably afloat a rubber ring with a cocktail in hand and a proud middle finger held aloft in the other.
We do hope you found this helpful.